I’m Not At The Theatre Tonight

The Masquers is closing Making God Laugh tonight. Thought about seeing it, but once again, I’m chilling here in Tisch Mills. Shout out to the folks who are holding up the art in the area!

Read a blog by a good friend of mine today. Samuel J. Tanner. Check him out. He’s got a tight little blog and a few books out there worth the time. We actually shared some crazy experiences in theatre and education, and he’s an authority on the notion of anti-racism in education. You know, that whole DEI thing. A reminder…DEI means diversity, equity, and inclusion. Kind of what you want to have happen in an educational environment. Really, which piece should we eliminate?

It's not about preference in hiring. That's a red herring. Yes, it's a problem. It's not what it's really about though. Anyway, that's a different post for another day.

I could say more about Sam’s work. My favorite thing that he developed that I enjoyed was an exercise he did with his classes when they started. Building card houses. Put thirty people in a room, give them numerous decks of cards, and see what they build. Groups form. Conversation ensues. Some people just want to knock them down. Metaphors abound. He was also a big fan of non-traditional final assessments of learning. Hmmmm…lots of things there but that’s not today’s topic.

Anyway.

He was writing this week about being highly engaged in work life. A moment where intensely busy is the norm. He's a younger guy. So he's mid-stream.

Bringing this back around to me (ha!) I have found myself in a new stage of life where work is flexible and there is space to think, reflect, synthesize, and share. It’s a new place.

When I was in my thirties my father observed that those years (our thirties) were a time when we pursue work with focus. It’s also a time when we are likely to be balancing family life against that pursuit of work. It’s intense.

When I was looking into my last round of grad school, I had a conversation with Brian Mertes, who was the program lead for the MFA Directing program at Brown/Trinity. They didn’t want me, for all kinds of interesting valid reasons, but I enjoyed the conversation I had with him. He talked about how over time we have questions we pursue. I write about this elsewhere. Here, it’s sufficient to note that my life, and Brian would argue many of us experience this, is broken into chunks of about a decade each that are defined by the question we pursue. 

Here's what I’ve experienced.

Question One (age 15-25): Confusion. Chaos. Pain. Everything is happening fast and none of it makes sense. What do I believe? Why do I keep blowing up the things I care about? What the hell am I supposed to do with myself? Why can’t I be successful at the things that I think I’m supposed to do?

Question Two (age 25-40): Landing. Finding place. Finding purpose. Building a world. Grab ahold of something that seems coherent and commit to it. There’s a boiling undercurrent of discontent but I don’t have time to think about it or am even really aware of it. It’s a time of following the lead of other people in my life in a way that seems to align with what I think I want for myself.

Question Three (age 40-50): Highly focused work. No time to think. Just do. Keep on striving and doing the same thing with the same results. Self-destructive behaviors balanced by an increasing understanding of what I might be good at where all this work energy might lead to success. What the hell is success? Toward the end of this period, a growing awareness that I am unhappy with what I have built. Hmmm…

Question Four (age 50-55): Change. Re-evaluation. Loss and discovery. A lot of loss and pain here, but also a growing awareness of who I might be. I find myself making a commitment to pursing something that is satisfying.

Question Five (age 55-63): Building something new that lands closer to home. This is fun, but will it work?

Question Six (Now): Well, shit, this is working out. Who knew? It's not really a question. WTF?

So, this is just my own rough outline of my own progression. That said, it’s an interesting exercise. Chunk it out. Ten years (or so) at a time. How’s it going? Where are you at?

Here’s Sam’s blog link.

https://samjtanner.com/2025/03/08/high-intensity-work-moments/